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Yes folks it’s that time of year again when we gather ‘round the Christmas tree and sing along to all those time- honoured carols you know so well. Everyone ready? Remember, these mood lifters work best if you don’t just read the lyrics but sing or hum along to them.
Ok, here we go..
To the tune of Away In A Manger
Away in Australia ,
And earning big bread,
New Zealand’s skilled craftsmen
Are getting ahead.
We say with a deep sigh,
”Will you come back here?”
They all shout with one cry,
”No bloody fear!”
To the tune of Santa Claus is coming to Town
You better not spend,
You’d better not try,
Unless you’re rich I’m telling you why,
Nicola is coming to town.
Verse 2
She’s making a list,
She’s checking it twice,
So listen up now and take my advice,
Nicola is coming to town.
Break
She panders to the wealthy
House taxes she will halt,
For in our land of plenty,
If you’re poor it’s your own fault
Verse 3
So, I’m leaving our shores
I’m saying good bye,
And since you ask I’m telling you why
Nicola has ruined my town.
To the tune of Mary’s Boy Child
Verse 1
Not long ago in Wellington ,
A recent budget say.
The rich can smile and have some fun
The poor can go away.
Verse 2
The Luxon plan is working fine
For I have heard them say
Cut off all the benefits
And come down hard on crime.”
Chorus
Hark! Today the Right Wing sing!
But it will be Okay.
Because these bastards will be gone
Come next Election Day!”
To the Tune Of Jingle Bells
Jingle Bells
David tells
Luxon what to do,
Ferries crash
And in a flash
Nic'las turning blue
Hey!
Back on track
Brains we lack
And we’re losing hair,
Wealth by stealth
Screw public health
We really just dont care
Hey!
Break
Leaving Well-ing-ton
In my Limosine
Counting untaxed gains
It really is obscene
A poor man comes in sight
But I vote on the Right
So out the window I shout out
Something really mean.
Hey!
Jingle Bells
David tells
Luxon what to do,
Winston laughs
And it’s all daft
In our ruling zoo.
To the Tune Of Good King Wenceslas
Good Queen Nicola looked down
On the poor and needy,
Said " I really just don't care
I like being greedy."
Landlords are my new best friends
I give them lots of money
Then I watch them push up rents
Don't you think that’s fu- ah - nee. (funny)
Now one just for Winston, Chris and David
to the Tune of We Three Kings…1,2,3…
We three kings of parliament are
Having drinks in Bellamy’s bar
We don’t like the poor and needy
That’s just who we are .
Oh ..
Cut the taxes she’ll be right
That’s the mantra of the right
One of these days I’ll be a Knight
(Seymour on his own)
Or a ballroom dancing star.
And lastly, to the tune of Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
Have yourself a Coalition Christmas,
Let your belt be tight.
All your money woes will soon be out of sight
Verse 2
Have yourself a Coalition Christmas,
Try and not to be sad
Even though the outlook’s really pretty bad
‘Cos
Refrain
Here we are as in olden days, happy Luxon days of yore
Back on Track, we’ve got the knack- of keeping down the poor.
Verse 3
So have yourself a Coalition Christmas,
Make the yuletide pay
From now on your troubles will be miles away
So have yourself a Coalition Christmas , next Australia Day!
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So clever. So true. So sad.
Marvellous! I sang out loud and strong!